Horrorscope

I see colours everywhere. I seem to be flying. Technicolour .Eastman color. Oops where am I? Looks like I am in a dream a trance. Too much of bhang I guess. But eh! I can’t seem to come out of …this dream? Eh? What is it ? An omen? Hmmm… Let me just roam about in this weird dream. Maybe I too will have a best seller of a story like Inception or Alice in Wonderland.

Aries:- Whats that ? It is a sacrificial Ram? Ooof not Shri Raam. Ram as in the battering Ram? Good. Coloured with vermillion. Not a good sign. And sheesh – has started singing – Aang se aang laga ja!!!! Oh my holy potato! It signifies only one thing- an alliance. A commitment- like in marriage, live in relationship, engaged, betrothed, brother/sisterhood to a great looking girl/guy, Parenthood? Yes! Reluctant sacrificial relationships are in the offing. Beware of the colour- vermillion.(Needless to say of course).
Hey this is your destiny. You can’t chase me so.

Taurus- But wait. The Bull over there looks far more sensible and welcome. Aha! This part of this dreamland is far more greener. So calm and sedate I can almost laugh at the contrast. There was Holi khele raghuveera playing robustly in the background. Aha! Its eyes does seem to be limpid brown. Oh my God! That is the sign. Stay away from artificial holi colours if you want to avoid some eye infections. Not a good period for your delicate beautiful eyes. For once I recommend lazing around to be a better option than playing around. Colour to be avoided- brown

Gemini- The bull had already dozed off. But who are those. Twins? Great. Curious fleeting impish twins who are dancing to the tunes of the navrang number- Jaa re jaa natkhat na chu re mere ghunghat. How sweet and how very confusing. Your habit of playing mind games spill over during this period with holi giving you the right impetus to be naughty and mischievous. Colours to be avoided- none at all. You are colourful. How can you avoid it?

Cancer – Off I go ahead with a song on my mind- Maro bhar bharkar pichkari … ouch. A crab! Crap! Where did it come from? And why are you hiding here in this corner. Come on get some air. Enjoy after all -Holi ka matlab yahi hain rang ek rang duniya saari- haven’t you heard it? It will be difficult for you to brood the coming fortnight and still if you attempt you will be hurting the ones you love most. So play on. Colour to be avoided- muddy (and yes that can be different from brown!)

Leo-But whoa? How did I enter Narnia in my dreams ? Why is Aslan the lion singing in Amitabh Bacchan’s voice- Rang barse bheege chunar wali? Ah! Another sign! Life will rain newer colours in the form of new people in your life and you will be on a high from here on. Or will it be? Can be a duality too. A mixed sign. Beware! Avoid- any colour with a shimmer.

Virgo- There goes the lion sprinting ahead. What did he see now? A fair maiden. No wonder no wonder! There is quite a crowd. With its suitors singing- Aaj na chhodenge bas humjoli while she gives a melancholy look. Don’t tell me I will be seeing Rajesh Khanna next. Though you are normally lost in a crowd, your soft , gentle and shy nature will make you stand out from the mad mileu in the coming days making you very much desirable and alluring. So shine on. Happy days are here again. Avoid- Red. There is nothing red about you.

Libra- The maiden smiled on. I slipped away letting them have their fun and games when I met the man with the scales. He was trying to balance his feelings, his love, insecurities, anger… in his scales with utmost dedication and very much unhappy with his calculations. I on an impulse started singing- Holi ke din dil mil jaate rangon rang mil jaati hai. Yes my dear forget your analysis and calculation, just give in to the festive air and all calculation will fall in line by itself. Sometimes it is very necessary to just let loose. Colour to avoid- grey and black.

Scorpio- And then I saw the scorpio- a giant scorpio or was it a scorpio with a giant ego. Awed, I stayed at a safe distance from its stingers. It was obsessively singing – Ab ke baras tujhe dharti ke raani kar dunga. That is what makes a scorpio a scorpio. Never ending obsession with its object of affection. And so is the case these fortnight too, but with more grandeur and much greater magnitude. Festival concession you see. Colors to be avoided- golden.

Sagitarrius- Hey Hey! I just saw a centaur speed past me . My dream is getting magical. But won’t it be better if you join us and color or lives instead of watching s from afar,- Holi re Holi . Mkh na chupa oh Raja saamne aaa. You are one of the adorable sun signs to be with. This holi you can do better by providing your company to your friends who might need some cheer. Colour to be avoided- magenta

Capricorn- Now was that a goat? Yes it was. I raced ahead and tried to catch up but it persistently sped ahead in a surefooted way. I huffed and puffed and I felt like singing- Bhaagi re bhaagire brijbala except this kanha was hardly going to catch her. Hey I know you are ambitious and you want to reach ahead, but what good is it going to do to you if you reach the top alone. Try slowing down this fortnight and look for the perfect companion. There is a fair good chance to find your partner- a likeminded person with whom you can together climb ahead. Colour to be avoided- fluorescent shades.

Aquarius- So much running about has made me thirsty. Now do I drink real water or dream water? A real dilemma in a dream world. The brook was inviting. The cool waters were soothing and then splash leapt the water at me. I woke up with a start. My wife stood with arms akimbo. Aquarius- yes completely grounded to reality and you will be assigned the role of trouble shooter this fortnight and will find yourself managing all trouble spots. Colour to be avoided- all.

Pisces- Now I was grumpy. Wife just didn’t allow me to see the twelfth sign. I couldn’t complete the dream. Damn! I looked on angrily at her humming- Piya those naina laagi re. .. Ayi holi ayi . sab rang layi. And then it struck me. She is a Piscean. That is the sign. Like always you might thing everything can be orchestrated in clockwork precision. But not always my dear and not at all in the coming fortnight which is the fortnight of wild abandonment. And so I am back again to my trance world but this time in my own personal world. He he he!!! Color to be avoided – Yellow yellow dirty fellow 😛

We welcome your comments at letters@friedeye.com