How to transform a messy breakup into a positive ‘life-changing’ episode?

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word ‘breakup’? In my case, it’s definitely ‘alcohol’. But let me not vex you by citing my perspectives on breakups; they are not worth your appraisal. Now, the reason why I have taken the pains of scribbling down this piece is that I want to enlighten you on how you can make your breakup special, rather a life-changing episode and trust me, this is a progeny of my own ‘experiences’ (mark my word; it’s not experience but experiences). So here are a few philanthropic tips through which you can accomplish that milestone (which I have achieved so many times in my life)

1)      Never let your girlfriend/boyfriend feel that you regret her/his loss and although I dare say that most of the guys would actually not but for those belonging to that somewhat naïve genre of the masculine sex try hard to thwart your atones from evolving into avowals. This ploy is very useful when you want your partner to come back to you (very rare though and to some extent, very superficial too).

2)      If you have the habit of writing then here is the way by which you can make your breakup a stepping-stone towards earning instant fame as well as wealth. Try penning down your ‘love’ly experiences into a book and get it published from some incredibly fast publisher. But be careful about not falling for someone else before the completion of your work; you can never write a tragedy when you are in ecstasy.

3)      For those of you who embroil in breakups frequently and have started to feel the need for finally sobering down, I would advise you to make lists of the flaws in your previous partners and then evaluate them thoroughly. This would help you in determining the type of ‘sole mate’ that you crave for and thus turn your desolate dystopian life into a bolstering utopian one.

4)      In case your inadequacies are the reasons behind your breakup then you must be thankful to your spouse for letting them known to you. So the next time you get into a relationship, you already know what you should do and what you should not if, of course, you are an advocate of ‘sustainable relationship’.

5)       Are you an alcoholic? Are you a womanizer? Is your relationship proving to be a hindrance to your freedom? Is your beloved preventing you from leading a life of your choice? Then here is what you need to do: Take your cellphone in your hand, fix your sight on the keypad, type a text

“Girl, I guess I have had enough of

your nitpicks…I really need some

space…so would you mind moving

towards the ‘emergency exit’ of my

life?”

and take a sigh of freedom. A breakup as such can literally be a ‘life-changing’ event although I would suggest you not to type such texts ‘frequently’.

6)      I often come across this saying ‘A single life is better than a failed relationship’ but I believe otherwise. A failed relationship possesses the inherent quality of showing you the right path, a path that shall lead you towards enlightenment and truth. It attributes an element of righteousness to your life for had not the relationship failed, you could not have realized your imperfections and undergone rectifications that would be helpful not only in the nature of becoming a perfect boyfriend/girlfriend but also in becoming a successful human being in the future.

7)      A breakup can actually yield you time for your friends and family. I have met lovers who spend the entire day over the phone, oblivious of the existences of their biological progenitors to whom they become as good as neighbours. They have no time for those friends without whose help, in most cases, the relationship might not have been possible at the first place. Emancipation from such a relationship can be really helpful in getting back to your former track of life and moving on to become a good son/daughter and a good friend as well.

8)      Do you dream of coming out with flying colours in your exams? Do you dream of becoming a successful person in your life? If yes then a breakup is all you need and you can realize all your dreams. It will liberate your mind from disconcerting thoughts and you can concentrate whole-heartedly on your studies and thereby escape your parents’ rebukes as well. Really! It’s hard to believe that breakups can actually be of such benevolent nature and contribute so much towards our elevation.

9)      Broke up with your mate? Go home and update your relationship status on Facebook. Mark my words, you will receive a minimum of ten friend requests from the opposite sex within an hour from updating and this is more applicable in case of the fairer sex. According to experts, a ‘in a relationship’ user gets the least number of likes for his updates and posts. So use your breakup to upsurge your online worth and also increase your chances of coming across a better chum than your EX.

10)  And lastly, use your breakups to educate other people; show them the ways via which they can actually make judicious uses of their breakups, just like I have done through this piece.

So with these few tips and suggestions I tend to end my illuminating piece but with the hope that these would by no means encourage you to culminate your present relationship without any apparent reason; I do not want to be called a ‘jodi breaker’.  And secondly, I have a girlfriend whom I love a lot.

(P.S.-The last line has no relevance as per my piece is concerned; it is intended towards saving my own relationship for I know that this is going to infuriate her dreadfully).

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